MAJOR LEAGUE ASSHOLE
At last, the mashing man-child recently ended feverish off-season speculation by accepting a paltry two-year, $45 million contract from the Los Angeles Dodgers. With that cash, and the $147 million he’s made since 2001, maybe he can finally afford a style adviser, who could gently let him know that the Jheri-curl/dreads look has been out since before the Tampa Bay Rays became a franchise. One more suggestion: if he still has any cash, he can install a urinal in Dodger Stadium’s left field.
