AMERICAN EYE-DULL
We’re not sure exactly what is driving teenage girls — and Paula Abdul — to make this Broadway-hack, balls-in-a-vice belter the early favorite for this season’s American Idol. The drag-queen pout? The pancake makeup? The worst haircut since Clay Aiken? Any of those traits would be enough to land him a spot on our list. But what puts it over the top is that ginormous whale tongue that flops out of his mouth every time he screeches one of his eyes-clenched, paint-peeling high notes. If this is the future of pop, we’re going country.
